No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she pinky promised me she was 18
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
