the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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