I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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