That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
