I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
