i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
