Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
