she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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