i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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