Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Everyone says I win the strip club
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
