the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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