And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
