Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
