Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
