I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
