This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
