Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
