EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
