Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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