four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
