It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
