are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
