FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
