Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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