I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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