I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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