I bet he comes in French.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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