So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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