mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
