I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
