Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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