Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
