I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize