I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
