I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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