: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
