I think my fart just growled at me.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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