I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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