I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
