i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
