You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
