This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
