How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
