oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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