If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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