Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
