I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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