I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
