I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
