theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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