how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
