it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
