Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
