I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
