I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
